The T-Dult: Part Teen & Part Adult

Do you remember the summer you came back home from your first year of university?  You had independence, freedom, and control over your entire life while at school.  Then, almost as soon as you walked over the threshold of your parents' front step, it was gone.

When you're a teenager, someone else holds the controls.  Sure, you're on your way to independence, but teachers still tell you what to do in class and your parents are likely dictating most of your life at home.  It's a bit smothering, but you're used to it.  You push back and rebel a bit, hoping to stand on your own two feet, but it's not until university or college that you finally get that taste of freedom.

For some, that freedom is terrifying, but for many it's relished.  No one tells you when to go to bed, when to study, what to eat, who to be friends with, or what to do.  Aside from your professors giving you instructions you may or may not follow, parental interference can be brief.  You're on your way to being a real adult and making your own decisions.  You may start to see yourself on equal footing with your parents.

When you come home, however, life changes.  Your parents don't realize how much you've grown this year.  They treat you like a teenager and perhaps your parents even put restraints on your movements.  It's frustrating for both sides.  You're struggling to assert your independence and they're struggling to catch up with the monumental changes that have occurred.

credit: Doodleblob

I remember that first summer.  I also remember feeling frustrated and angry a lot of the time.  One parent went so far as to tell me that my attitude sucked and that I'd been very difficult to live with.  Inside, I wanted to yell back that I'd found it just as difficult (I might have done that...I can't quite recall).  My younger sisters were still in high school and while my lifestyle had changed, my family's had not.  It wasn't one of the easiest times in my life...and I'm sure my family found it the same.

I spend almost every day of my life with teenagers while teaching high school.  I also volunteer with a youth group and often see those kids as my own, though they might not realize it.  I watch them grow, celebrate their successes and feel for them when they go through difficult times.  I've also come to realize that the tables have switched.  I used to be the teen fighting for the right to be treated as an adult.  Now I'm the adult trying to adapt to my graduated teens becoming adults. 

They are the ones now fighting me for the right to be treated as an adult.  While I know from experience that they're still not quite there, I also have to recognize that they have changed.  It's challenging to make the switch when, just like my parents, I am still surrounded by teens who still need guidance and a hands-on approach.  I sometimes forget to adapt and evolve in my interactions with my T-Dults.  This can lead to hurt feelings on both sides and patience & forgiveness is needed to maintain a positive attitude.

I'm thankful that my parents stuck it out and the relationship we have now is stronger and healthier than when I was in that awkward T-Dult stage.  I can only hope that the relationships I have with my evolving teens stay just as strong as they grow into that amazing full-fledged adults I know they'll be.