When your dreams just don't fit like they used to

Did you ever sit in class or at home and dream about your future?  Maybe it was about your perfect job, what you'd look like, or what you'd be famous for.  It may have been about being recognized for your accomplishments, meeting your idol, or your wedding day.  You may have waited in anticipation for that day that your dreams came true.  And then they didn't...

What do you do when your dreams just don't fit you anymore?

For me, it was sitting in Mrs. Day's OAC Canadian History class or her OAC Law class.  I used to sketch out a pretty farm house in a quiet town and where I'd be by 35.  I imagined a loving husband and 4 great kids (2 boys, 2 girls).  I even had their names picked out: Riley, James, Elizabeth, and Sarah.  I didn't think much about my career other than to wonder if I'd be a stay-at-home mom, or novelist.  Either way, in my dream, I was happily married and a mother.

Now, at halfway through the year to 35, my life looks nothing like the dream I continue to cling to.  While I am a published author, it's not a fictional story.  I'm single, living in a city apartment and childless.  My old dream has as much of a chance as fitting me now as my old semi-formal dress does. 

So where does one go to find a new dream?  One has to consider how expensive and long-lasting the dream is.  Does it give support where it's needed and will it stand the test of time?  Could it get tarnished or thrown in the back of the closet when trends change?  Looking for a new dream is just about as difficult or more as finding that perfect pair of jeans.  You know, the pair that makes your butt look good, doesn't gap at the waist, and doesn't need hemming?

Not all of us can wear the hip hugging and low riding jeans of our youth, but it doesn't mean we give up wearing jeans altogether.  I haven't given up on the idea of having a husband and family...it just won't happen the way I wanted it to.  Looking for a new dream has given me the chance to reflect on where I've been and where I'll go...and some of that is pretty exciting indeed!

Just because your old dreams don't fit anymore, doesn't mean you give up on dreaming altogether.  

Death by Chocolate

You log in to check your Facebook news feed and there it is...a sinful dessert recipe that screams, "Try Me"!  Normally I ignore the advertisements, but this little video was too hard to resist.

I like to craft and this recipe presented a challenge.  Not only is the raspberry chocolate mousse topped with fresh berries, but it's served in little chocolate cups you have to make yourself.

I don't recommend trying to put this recipe together in anything less than 3 hours, especially if it's your first attempt.  It took a while to temper the chocolate, chill the bowls, set the mousse and make it all look pretty in the meanwhile.

I also suggest doing it on a cool day.  I chose a beautiful sunny day in the summer and I found it hard to get the chocolate bowls out of the tinfoil without melting some of the chocolate with my warm hands.

When the opportunity to cook for my family came up and I eagerly went back to find the video and recipe posted via Home Cooking Adventure. 

Most of the ingredients were easy to find.  The chocolate came from Bulk Barn and as raspberries are just coming into season in Southern Ontario, it wasn't hard to find them either. 

The hardest part was finding the tin cups.  I found tinfoil muffin pans, but in the end I settled on individual little pot pie cups.  This created fewer bowls & wider ones, but worked fairly similarly. 


I came across a few challenges making the bowls, but eventually succeeded.  The recipe suggests you may need to melt the chocolate again in between making each bowl.  I found it was too hot to start with and the chocolate poured out of the mold too easily when flipped upside down to cool.  Also, take your time rotating the cup.  Too fast and your chocolate will come spinning out and make an incredibly amazing mess.  I speak from experience!

Take your time getting the bowl out of the mold.  I found I needed to cut the tinfoil in multiple places to work well.  If you rush it or try to push the limits, you'll end up breaking the bowl.

The chocolate mousse was fairly easy to make, but I did find the chocolate was too hot to fold the cream into.  After I mixed the 1/3 of my whipped cream into the chocolate, I put it in the fridge to let it firm up a bit before folding it back into the remaining whipped cream. 

Filling the bowls was easy, but the mousse mixture was warm enough to soften the bowls.  This step needs to be done fairly quickly, in my experience, to keep the bowls firm.  After that, the finish line is in sight.  Dress your cups just before serving and enjoy!

After my family devoured the cups, we debated whether the recipe could be improved.  I found the dessert incredibly rich and sweet and it was suggested that perhaps the chocolate cups were a bit too much.  Someone proposed serving the mousse in little cocktail glasses would be better and then you could create little chocolate drizzle toppers to stick into the mousse as it was cooling.  Switching from raspberry to mint was also a popular idea.

Either way, the dessert was still a hit and very attractive.  Smaller sized cups are probably the way to go unless you are entertaining chocoholics.  In which case, go all out! 

Fab Food 4 Forty $: Tips for getting a lot for a little

One of the biggest challenges these past 4 weeks has been buying enough with only a little to spend.  I've learned a number of little tips to help me be successful in my shopping.  Hopefully some of these will help you curb your culinary spending too!

1. Closed for the Holidays
When grocery stores are closed for the holidays, the food doesn't take a vacation!  Stores want to ensure that any fresh merchandise is sold so that they don't have waste.  Nothing worse than opening the store back up to moldy meat and liquified veggies & fruit.  If your local store is going to be closed for a major holiday, drop by a few hours before closing.  You'll score some pretty great deals.

I dropped by Food Basics on June 30th as the store was going to be closed on July 1st for Canada Day.  I bought little steak rounds for $2.50 (2 in a package) because they were 40% off!  I saw similar deals around the store for fresh produce, dairy and meat products.

2. Flipp App
It's free to download and is available for both iPhone and Android users.  Wendy, the creative mind behind the blog mapsgirl.ca, showed it to me a few months ago and it has been a huge money saver.  In addition to searching all my local flyers and clipping out deals, one of my favourite features has been the shopping list.  I can simply add in the product I'm looking for and Flipp tells me if any of my local stores have a sale or deal offered.  Great for pre-planning and spontaneous shopping!

3. Farm Shares
Not every farm share is a bargain.  Last summer, my sister and I signed up for a bi-weekly organic food share that offered a pick-up location close to us for $25.00 per box.  The timing of the pick-up was sometimes challenging and we got a lot of foods neither of us wanted to eat.  There was an option to remove foods from the bin, but it would cost us for each food we wanted excluded.  Quantity-wise, it wasn't bad, but the boxes could be abundant or short depending on the field yield.

Recently I was introduced to a new program hosted by Kerr Street Ministries in Oakville.  Known as the Halton Fresh Food Box, it costs $20 for a large box and is provided once a month.  There are a couple of different pick-up locations and the hours are reasonable.  Kerr Street Ministries provides a lot of support to families going through a rough patch and when I talked to Michelle, their Community Services Coordinator, I found out that this program is open to those who have and those who have not.  She also explained that it was possible for the "have" users to donate an extra $20 to sponsor a box for those who "have not".   

 I was really amazed at the quality and quantity of the produce.  The program runs all year and I'm excited to be a more regular user in the fall.  Farms in the area provide the produce and it is boxed up at the Kerr Street site.

 If you're interested in the program, you can call the centre at 905-634-8645 or email them at info@haltonfreshfoodbox.ca.  The next set of boxes are available for pick up on Tuesday, August 11th, but you must pre-register by Friday, July 31st.

Given the quantity and variety of the contents of my box, I'll be busy in the kitchen over the next few days.  Keep an eye open for more recipe ideas and results on my blog.  Spending only $40 a week on groceries can be difficult, but with a little creativity and an open mind, it is possible to do it healthily and happily.

Fitness with Friends

It was a work day and both of us had braved the traffic.  Neither suggested we try another night, though the sky hinted of more rain.  The trail was fairly easy, though the odd muddy obstacles made it interesting and both of us were smacking ourselves, and sometimes each other, to ward off the mosquitoes (I forgot the bug repellent at home).  We stopped briefly to admire birds, chipmunks, flowers, and even a little garter snake.

In 65 minutes, we'd covered 5.1 km of trail and talked for the majority of it.  We talked a bit about our work, our families, and just rambled on as we rambled through the marsh.  When it was over, it was suggested we might try to find a night for it the following week.

It's not the first time I've gone hiking/walking/exercising with a friend.  Whether it be aquafit, hiking or swimming, time flies when I combine friendship with fitness.  It makes it easier to keep going and harder to make excuses.

Coming home after a long day, it's easy to plop onto the couch, turn on the tube or play video games.  Contemplating the idea of getting up and exercising is, at times, daunting and easy to ignore once you get into bad habits.  Consider calling up a friend this week to make plans to do something active together.  Not only is it great to see your friend and catch up, you'll feel pretty good about yourself afterwards.

Just a word to the wise: Don't forget the bug spray!

The T-Dult: Part Teen & Part Adult

Do you remember the summer you came back home from your first year of university?  You had independence, freedom, and control over your entire life while at school.  Then, almost as soon as you walked over the threshold of your parents' front step, it was gone.

When you're a teenager, someone else holds the controls.  Sure, you're on your way to independence, but teachers still tell you what to do in class and your parents are likely dictating most of your life at home.  It's a bit smothering, but you're used to it.  You push back and rebel a bit, hoping to stand on your own two feet, but it's not until university or college that you finally get that taste of freedom.

For some, that freedom is terrifying, but for many it's relished.  No one tells you when to go to bed, when to study, what to eat, who to be friends with, or what to do.  Aside from your professors giving you instructions you may or may not follow, parental interference can be brief.  You're on your way to being a real adult and making your own decisions.  You may start to see yourself on equal footing with your parents.

When you come home, however, life changes.  Your parents don't realize how much you've grown this year.  They treat you like a teenager and perhaps your parents even put restraints on your movements.  It's frustrating for both sides.  You're struggling to assert your independence and they're struggling to catch up with the monumental changes that have occurred.

credit: Doodleblob

I remember that first summer.  I also remember feeling frustrated and angry a lot of the time.  One parent went so far as to tell me that my attitude sucked and that I'd been very difficult to live with.  Inside, I wanted to yell back that I'd found it just as difficult (I might have done that...I can't quite recall).  My younger sisters were still in high school and while my lifestyle had changed, my family's had not.  It wasn't one of the easiest times in my life...and I'm sure my family found it the same.

I spend almost every day of my life with teenagers while teaching high school.  I also volunteer with a youth group and often see those kids as my own, though they might not realize it.  I watch them grow, celebrate their successes and feel for them when they go through difficult times.  I've also come to realize that the tables have switched.  I used to be the teen fighting for the right to be treated as an adult.  Now I'm the adult trying to adapt to my graduated teens becoming adults. 

They are the ones now fighting me for the right to be treated as an adult.  While I know from experience that they're still not quite there, I also have to recognize that they have changed.  It's challenging to make the switch when, just like my parents, I am still surrounded by teens who still need guidance and a hands-on approach.  I sometimes forget to adapt and evolve in my interactions with my T-Dults.  This can lead to hurt feelings on both sides and patience & forgiveness is needed to maintain a positive attitude.

I'm thankful that my parents stuck it out and the relationship we have now is stronger and healthier than when I was in that awkward T-Dult stage.  I can only hope that the relationships I have with my evolving teens stay just as strong as they grow into that amazing full-fledged adults I know they'll be.

Living the Strange Life: Serially Single

After having a good chuckle over the word "masterdating", I was curious to see if any term exists to describe someone who is perpetually and serially single.  Turning to the digital know-it-all, Mr. Google, I plugged in my inquiry and the internet spit back some interesting suggestions.  Amongst them were the following:

...loner, odd, strange, isolated, lone, spouseless...

I won't sugar coat it.  Yes, being single is lonesome.  There are days you wonder just where you went wrong and why Mr. (or Mrs.) Right hasn't shown up on your radar yet.  You start to question if there is something so fundamentally wrong with you that there isn't at least one potential mate lining up to spend time with you.  Personally, I've somewhat seriously considered the possibility that I have a naturally occurring invisibility cloak, but thought that might be a bit too "Big Bang Theory"ish.

Some of my closest friends have begun to pair off and start their own families and it's hard not to wish I was in same vote.  Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled my friends have had success in that area of their life, but it certainly cuts down on the number of people available for a night out.  Breastfeeding and pub crawls aren't exactly made for each other.

So what do you do when you are serially single?  I haven't had a serious relationship in more years than I like to count and I'm past the age of wanting to go out to the bar, indulge in a bit too much alcohol and try to pick up intoxicated men.  I'm also not up for the guys who seem to think they can grab anything and anywhere while shouting over impossibly loud music. 

Where does that leave me?  Well, there's the option of the internet and dating apps.  A few of those friends I referenced earlier are happily married to people they met on dating websites, so I know for a fact it is possible to find love online.

My experience, however, hasn't exactly been starry.  From guys who think an appropriate first date gift is a pack of bubble gum or a hockey puck, to men who suggest I'm naive because I won't show a lot of skin in my pictures, online dating has landed me a few duds.

When you've been disappointed time after time, it's easy to become frustrated and give up.  It's easy to go for a night with a good book, rather than the preferred "good man".  So how does one continue to believe?  What hope is there out there for all of us great girls who just don't seem to be on any decent guy's radar?

As long as I'm still a "player" (pardon the pun), winning is a possibility.   I also don't like to lose.  Giving up, to me, is choosing to lose.  If I continue to put myself out there, no matter how much or how little, I'm still in the game...and that means I may still win.  Out there somewhere, is a guy who has lived his own strange and spouseless life.  

Until we find each other, this "loner" is going to keep looking.