The Other "F" Word

"Behind every fat woman there is a beautiful one...no, seriously, you're in the way"

If you do a Google search for fat jokes, you'll get over 1 million results, some incredibly derogatory and painful to read.  So many people in our society today seem to be blind that behind every fat person is a real life human being with feelings and their own story to tell.

I am fat.

Writing that, saying it aloud is painful, but living it is more so.  I'm judged before people even get to know me.  From the rejection comments or fat shaming comments on dating websites to having people make assumptions about me, it affects every area of my life.

Am I the healthiest person on the planet, definitely not, but I'm not unhealthy either.  I eat my veggies, rarely have fast food, and I'm not really a soda drinker.  There's no junk food in my apartment and I go to the gym (though not as much as I'd like).  I have friends who eat far more junk than I do and don't weigh nearly as much.

But really, does that even matter?  Should it?  Why do I have to justify it?  Explain it?  Be judged for it?

One of the hardest things that comes with being fat is the comments.  From strangers yelling randomly from cars to those closest to me making comments about weight, I wonder if they even hear themselves?  How would they react to being the recipient of such mean comments?

Last week, I stood awkwardly listening to a woman fat shaming her husband.  At least twice, she pointed out how her husband's weight was an inconvenience and poked fun at his body.  What made it more embarrassing and also infuriating was that she didn't do so subtly and there were others around who knew the couple.  

Having talked to this person before, I know that part of the reason she vocalizes it in public is to motivate her spouse to lose the weight.  I wonder though, does she understand the pain she inflicts?  Sometimes her husband isn't around to hear her comments...and sometimes he is.

 Science has discussed fat shaming and debated whether or not it works.  Does a negative comment lead to more positive behaviour just so the negative consequences will stop?  By pointing out someone's we
ight and making comments so that the fat person feels shame, do they immediately pack up their gym bag and go on a juice diet?

No.

The truth, according to a number of scientific studies, is that fat shaming does quite the opposite.  Hearing mean comments made about your weight causes a loss of self-esteem, increases stress, and may actually result in emotional binge eating for some.

While frustrated and angry with the fat shaming spouse, I've met other people who take quite an opposite viewpoint.  An acquaintance of mine has been working to get into better shape.  Her partner has also been working to make better choices and for a time, was making huge strides.  Never did I hear her say anything more than positive and encouraging things.  When her partner hit a plateau and didn't seem to be motivated to go any further, she didn't resort to fat shaming to push him to keep going.

Does a big value on the scale = lower self worth?

I talked to her one day about this, as I was dealing with my own weight issues.  Her response to me was that it needed to come from him.  She would encourage him and help him in any way possible, but the last thing she was going to do was put him down, embarrass and shame him.

Fat is a disease in our society and it directly impacts our health, the cost of benefits & health care, and our longevity.  Individually, it impacts the emotional and mental health of those struggling with it.

Let's face it, in kindergarten we learned it wasn't nice to call people names or say mean things.  Why should being adults change that?  Putting people down, shaming them, cat-calling, making mean jokes, or judging those with a weight issue isn't the answer.  We need to be encouraging and dare I say, loving?